"If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen."

Saturday, 19 May 2012

TFITW

A cut 'n' paste joke for you - there's no end to my talents, and no beginning either looking at the state of the line alignments:

Just in case you're planning to do a little cooking...


To keep potatoes from budding,
place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Buy mashed potato mix.
Keeps in the cupboard for up to a year.



When a cake recipe calls for flouring
the baking tin, use a bit of dry cake
mix instead and there won't be any
white mess on the outside of the cake.

Go to the bakery!
Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!





Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting
in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Celery?
Never heard of it!





Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and
rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Take a lime, mix it with tequila,
chill and drink! All your pains go away!



Don't throw out all that leftover wine.
Freeze into ice cubes for future use
in casseroles and sauces.

Left over wine
? ? ?
HELLO!!!!!!














3 comments:

  1. In what universe is there ever left over wine?

    ReplyDelete
  2. We have to take the left-over-wine concept seriously. This appears to be an attempt by Alcohol Control to denormalise the behaviour of any number of people finishing off a bottle of wine and to introduce the suggestion that waste wine is so common that those who do not have waste wine must be dangerously dependent on alcohol. This is just the pre-cursor, as I'm sure you know, to plain labels on wine bottles, health warnings on the plain labels, pictures of wine drinkers with their shrivelled livers in a plastic bag, wine-sniffer-dogs snuffling outside your windows, etc. etc, wine-detector vans, nurses asking you how much wine you drink when you attend a surgery for a bee-sting, and so on.
    Don't mock the 'left-over-wine' lie ... it is yet another lump of rock in the sock used to keep the masses under control.
    ... left-over-wine in a sock ... mmmm!

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's good to know you're both crazy. We must take comfort in each other. The whole point of this 'joke' was for the fabulous crotchety pics that went with it and that have disappeared since I first posted it. If it weren't for your comments, I'd delete it. I wonder if I can get them back somehow.

    ReplyDelete

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